Frasier in 17 Syllables
by cumberland river relic
Summary: Frasier haiku


Author's notes:

As a fan of the TV show _The Mentalist_ and its related fanfics, I've admired the work of writer Hayseed Socrates. A new project by Hayseed is to produce one or more haiku summaries for each of _The Mentalist_ 's episodes.

Hayseed Socrates' project is titled, "The Mentalist in Briefs," and it's a fun exercise that has inspired my own effort here. I appreciate Hayseed blessing my use of the concept for _Frasier_. I've favorited "The Mentalist in Briefs" in my profile and encourage you to read it - it's one of the most creative approaches to fanfic I've seen. And it's handled by the writer with skill and wit.

Some episodes have more than one haiku. Also, traditional haiku focuses on nature; these do not. A writing note: I cheat on the word "Frasier" - it's either two or three syllables depending on what I need; I use "Fras" when I need one syllable. Although I've checked and rechecked, some of the haiku below may still violate the 5-7-5 syllables per line rule.

* * *

 ********* _ **Frasier**_ **Haiku for Season 1 Episodes*******

 **Episode 01x01: "The Good Son"**

 _Martin? Comes to stay._

 _Daphne? "I'm a bit psychic."_

 _Eddie? Quit staring!_

 **Episode 01x02: "Space Quest"**

" _And you are?" "- Daphne Moon."_

" _Egghead! Egghead!" Go fetch beer._

 _My privacy? Gone._

 **Episode 01x03: "Dinner At Eight"**

 _Niles meets Daph - epic!_

 _Boys meet steaks - gastronomic!_

 _Ties meet end - tragic!_

 **Episode 01x04: "I Hate Frasier Crane"**

 _Let's eat together_

 _Like a family, and I'll_

 _Say a long prayer._

-or-

 _Why do you hate me?_

 _Lines are open; call me now._

 _Fisticuffs at noon._

 **Episode 01x05: "Here's Looking At You"**

 _I spy Irene. Whoa!_

 _Irene spies me. Can we talk?_

 _Telescopes are fun._

-or-

 _Some people are weird -_

 _Aunt Patrice trees 'nother one._

 _Has she had a stroke?_

 **Episode 01x06: "The Crucible"**

 _This painting is fake._

 _Really? So what? Deal with it._

' _Peachfuzz' shatters glass._

 **Episode 01x07: "Call Me Irresponsible"**

 _Christmas: dog antlers,_

 _Sweatered brothers on Packard,_

 _Octob'r 21?_

 **Episode 01x08: "Beloved Infidel"**

 _Crane first date, you ask?_

 _Collapses in tears, says Niles._

 _Frasier confirms it._

-or-

 _Things appear one way,_

 _When the truth lurks somewhere else._

 _Ask Martin, he knows._

 **Episode 01x09: "Selling Out"**

 _Call it Lullubelle?_

 _Or Intrepid? You decide._

 _Boats don't name themselves._

-or-

" _I am an agent,_

 _Not a pimp," says Bebe G._

 _Humph! How can you tell?_

-or-

 _You've got a bright future,_

 _Says Bebe Glazer, agent_

 _Extraordinaire._

 **Episode 01x10: "Oops"**

 _Therapy burden -_

 _Multiple personal'ty_

 _Name tags. Niles fills out._

-or-

 _Scent-marking devan?_

 _Maris' musicale group should_

 _Never perform "Cats."_

 **Episode 01x11: "Death Becomes Him"**

 _In event of death,_

 _A Crane crafts plans to prepare._

 _What could go awry?_

-or-

 _Fras attends a wake._

 _After consoling, what's next?_

 _A gal hits on him!_

 **Episode 01x12: "Miracle on Third or Fourth Street"**

 _Fras and Roz exchange_

 _Gifts. Roz gives brief case - classy!_

 _Fras? Toy mike - poor choice._

-or-

 _Hazing for new hires:_

 _A designated driver_

 _For drunk Bonnie Weems._

-or-

 _Sad Christmas stories?_

 _Call Frasier Crane now - he's there_

 _To listen to them._

 **Episode 01x13: "Guess Who's Coming To Breakfast?"**

 _Dad goes on a date -_

 _And Elaine's still here? Now that's_

 _Something to discuss._

 **Episode 01x14: "Can't Buy Me Love"**

 _Bachelor auction -_

 _Frasier Crane participates._

 _Doomed to fail? Of course._

 **Episode 01x15: "You Can't Tell a Crook By His Cover"**

 _Frasier's well-honed mind_

 _Can deduce the crook, often_

 _By the third attempt._

 **Episode 01x16: "The Show Where Lilith Comes Back"**

 _The "peach" that got away_

 _Comes to wreak havoc on Fras._

 _Killer headaches start._

 **Episode 01x17: "A Midwinter Night's Dream"**

 _Niles and Daph alone._

 _Storm brews - by that I mean Niles._

 _Thoughts stray but chimes change._

 **Episode 01x18: "And the Whimper Is…"**

 _Brad McNamara_

 _Can't make his date with Roz Doyle._

 _Paging Noel Shempsky!_

 **Episode 01x19: "Give Him the Chair!"**

 _Hide Maris' necklace._

 _How about down Daphne's blouse?_

 _She will never look there!_

-or-

 _Repair Martin's chair?_

 _Use duct tape to seal the breach._

 _But don't let Fras see._

 **Episode 01x20: "Fortysomething"**

 _Father and son shopping._

 _Does that girl like me? Oh, my!_

 _It won't work - so sad._

 **Episode 01x21: "Travels With Martin"**

 _The Winnebago -_

 _What sign should we put on it?_

" _Whoopin' Cranes" says Niles._

-or-

 _Green cards, border stops -_

 _Travel is complicated._

 _Let's see Yellowstone!_

 **Episode 01x22: "Author, Author"**

 _Bro and bro - pen book…_

 _Writing goes way, way too slow…_

 _Bro v. bro - a fight!_

 **Episode 01x23: "Frasier Crane's Day Off"**

 _Fras sick? Fears rivals._

 _Fras as patient? Worst ever._

 _Fras on meds? Amuck._

-or-

 _Signs of spring - new growth,_

 _Warmer temperatures, and_

 _First floater in Sound._

 **Episode 01x24: "My Coffee With Niles"**

 _Fras and Niles talk 'bout_

" _Sports, chicks, monster truck rallies"?_

 _Nah. "Are you happy?"_

-or-

 _Here's a question, Niles:_

" _Are you in love with Daphne?"_

 _Don't spew your coffee._

* * *

Author's note:

Thank you for reading this project.

My profile page includes a guide to all the _Frasier_ , _Mentalist_ , and _Grantchester_ stories I've written.


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